I haven’t written in a while. In a long while. In fact, I haven’t written since my brother passed away in April. I haven’t worked out since then either. My brother was my motivator since he almost seemed supernatural when it came to his physical fitness. He would run 6, 8, 10 miles or more just for fun and didn’t always set out to run these distances. He would just start running and realize some time later that he ran farther than he had planned. At the time of his passing, I was swimming a lot and getting back into running and I always thought of Jason. Thinking of him helped me plow through when I wanted to stop. I knew he would keep going, so I would too. Being alone with my thoughts while running or swimming sounds terrifying since I know I would think of him.
Now, in the midst of what may be the most difficult part of this journey, our first holidays, I think it may be time to honor my brother and do the things he no longer can, such as writing and yes, I will start exercising again Jason. I know you’d be giving me a hard time for putting it off for so long.
Words cannot express how much I miss you. I keep expecting you to knock on the door or show up to a family gathering. Sometimes I tell myself you are just at work or home and that I’ll see you later, but when you didn’t show up at Thanksgiving, everything became more real than ever. I missed you on clean up crew. You made it fun, as you did with everything. It is just so hard to believe that you are gone. You were always larger than life, living each and every moment, and loving everyone and everything around you and for these reasons, I always ask, why? It doesn’t make sense. You accomplished more in your 25-years here on Earth, than most people do in a lifetime and for that, I can see why God may have needed your help at home. It doesn’t make it easier, but it does make me more proud of you (if that is even possible). It has taken me a while to do things that remind me of you, but as I tackle each of them, I do it as an honor to you. I will always admire you for the young man you became, the fun uncle you were to my children, the inspiration you were to others, and the impact you had on so many. I love you brother and until we meet and dance again in heaven.
Your Big Sis